Change

I don’t know if it’s Spring or what, but thoughts of change are swirling… I’ve applied to grad school to start an MSW program. Scary stuff, change. Children growing up, trying so hard not to need me… I watch Amelia enter this transitional place between girl and young woman and it makes my heart swell with feelings of pride and loss. And fear of what will no longer be. Turning 40, the realization of time passing so quickly, the understanding that if I don’t grow through these years, stagnation and depression will find me. And, most of all, the admission that I’ve spent too much time sleep walking through these precious days, and I can’t afford to stay in this little sterile bubble I’ve created for myself any longer. I’ve a habit of choosing security and safety over the possibility of failure and hurt. Change is scary… but moving forward has made me feel so much more alive than I have in a long time.

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