finding the right door

DSC_0465

“What we really want to do is what we are really meant to do. When we do what we are meant to do, money comes to us, doors open for us, we feel useful, and the work we do feels like play to us.”  Julia Cameron

tender shoots

 

DSC_0038DSC_0199

“Every day we slaughter our finest impulses. That is why we get a heartache when we read the lines written by the hands of a master and recognize them as our own, as the tender shoots which we stifled because we lacked the faith to believe in our own powers, our own criterion of truth and beauty. Every man, when he gets quiet, when he becomes desperately honest with himself, is capable of uttering profound truths.” –Henry Miller

Our first stop in New Zealand was a rain forest. When we arrived it was pitch black, so I was delighted when I peeked out the window in the morning and realized our little chalet was enveloped in the happiest plants I’ve ever seen… ginormous ferns everywhere… thriving in their misty environs… 

Suffice it to say, I’ve not been thriving in my environs, but I have felt a desperate heartache and an irrepressible longing to expand and grow and fill my space in the world with beauty, in whatever form it manifests…

home

DSC_0454

we’re back at home… the kids are spending the weekend with grandparents; Todd is in London; and my body feels like it finally realizes what time zone/day/season it is. so bizarre leaving autumn and coming home to spring, almost surreal. and i’m just trying to figure out where to go from here. traveling makes me feel so expansive; coming home feels very restrictive. back to schedules and responsibilities. neither one of us like yard work, and yet we have this huge yard with beds full of weeds to deal with. why? breathe… what did i learn from this trip? i long for simplicity. i loved hanging clothes on a clothesline everyday. i loved long stretches of unscheduled time. i loved all of the high-quality family time. i LOVED being near water. and of course, i loved having a husband around all the time… my dream: find a way to combine writing/traveling/photography… not so original, but definitely possible…

light

the light changes moment by moment here… pink, blue, grey, orange, rainbowed… between the estuary’s ebb and flow, the shifting clouds and sun, the crazy looking birds and changing leaves, it’s a whole new picture every time I glance out the window. things shift in a breath and there’s always something new to discover. Sometimes the mountains are clear and blue, sometimes invisible, sometimes the estuary is full and glassy, sometimes silvery channels wend throughout the mud… I haven’t found one to be more beautiful than the other… the beauty and light just shift from one place to another…

dsc_0047